


Sticks and Stones

by Must_Be_Thursday



Series: Generations [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano is a good grandpadawan, Brief suicide ideation, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Whump, The jedi don't have great mental health services, i just really want them all to go to family counseling, lineage feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26907187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Must_Be_Thursday/pseuds/Must_Be_Thursday
Summary: Obi-Wan knows that words always hurt the most when they come from those you love.  Somehow he's still surprised every time.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Generations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194614
Comments: 44
Kudos: 356





	1. Obi-Wan

**Author's Note:**

> TW: brief non-graphic suicide ideation

“You’re always so cold, Obi-Wan.”

Anakin is walking away before Obi-Wan has a chance to reply. Not that he has one. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before, but it still hurts. It aggravates the deep, vague ache that has been in his chest for years. A part of him is somewhat pleased it hurts at all. If it hurts it means he can still feel _something_.

He never meant to become so distant. It was a defense mechanism he picked up after his master was killed. Well, if he was honest with himself it went back further that that. Satine. Or maybe Melida/Daan. He used to care so deeply and so openly, but it only ever led to heartbreak. It was easier to just hide it all away. 

“He didn’t mean it, Master Obi-Wan,” Ahsoka says quietly.

Obi-Wan looks down at the small Togruta girl. She reminds him so much of the best parts of Qui-Gon. He gives her a sad smile, “He’s not wrong, Ahsoka.”

Obi-Wan takes a page out of Anakin’s playbook and walks away before Ahsoka can say anything else. He’s near tears as it is, and it wouldn’t do for his grand-padawan to see him like that. 

The walk back to his quarters seems to take much longer than it should. His chest is tight from the effort of keeping his breathing even. His face held in a careful, neutral expression as to not alert the clones he passes in the hallway. They all look the same to him right now. He can’t focus enough to distinguish their Force signatures or artful body modifications. Maybe Anakin was closer to the truth than he thought. What decent general can’t tell their own men apart?

He finally makes it back to his room and locks himself in the fresher. He slides to the floor when the tears finally fall. His chest heaves with every painful breath.

_You’re always so cold, Obi-Wan._

If only that were true. Holding everything back is exhausting. He’s tired of hurting all the time. He just wants to rest. He just wants it to stop.

Not for the first time in his life, Obi-Wan finds himself reaching for his lightsaber. He turns it over in his hands and brushes his thumb against the ignition switch. That finally scares him out of his stupor, and he rushes out to his desk, quickly stowing the saber out of sight in a drawer.

A near-scalding shower helps melt some of the tension in his shoulders. He tosses back two of the sleeping pills he’s been weening himself off and curls up in bed on his side. 

Obi-Wan stares at the wall until the ache in his chest starts to give way to emptiness. He sighs as he falls asleep. He knows the emptiness isn’t any healthier than what he was feeling an hour ago, but at least it hurts less. Maybe tomorrow will be a little easier. He has to hope it will.


	2. Ahsoka

Ahsoka sighs and sits up in her bed on the _Negotiator_. She’s worried about Master Obi-Wan. She had been so excited for a long campaign alongside the 212th. Obi-Wan had such a calm presence about him and she always felt safer with him nearby. He was always willing to set aside some time to help her meditate or go over class work she was struggling with. Skyguy was great, the best really, but she and him were too similar in some ways so it was nice to have Obi-Wan around to balance them out. Until he and Anakin started arguing of course. 

She remembers the devastated look that crossed his face for a split second after Anakin turned his back on him. There was also _something_ seeping through his tight shields when he did the same to her. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it was something she’s never felt from him before.

After some internal debate, she decides to go check on him. But when she reaches his door, that odd emotion she felt earlier overwhelms her. She realizes it isn’t any single emotion, rather it seems to be mix of several fleeting thoughts and feelings compounding each other. _Exhaustion, fear, shame, sadness, despair…._

Ahsoka is about to force her way in when she hears the shower turn on. She doesn’t want to just barge in on her grandmaster while he’s showering, but something tells her he shouldn’t be alone right now. She plants herself at Obi-Wan’s door. At least this way Obi-Wan can have some space, but someone will still be nearby. She sits cross legged against the wall and closes her eyes to better focus her attention on Obi-Wan.

She feels his Force signature begin to calm after he lays down. At first she’s relieved, thinking that he must be processing whatever is going through his mind and releasing it into the Force. 

But when the feelings are gone, she can barely feel Obi-Wan at all. Ahsoka searches deeper, but all she can find is a vaguely Obi-Wan shaped chasm where his warm glow should be. It’s what she imagines it would be like searching for a soul in a corpse. Ahsoka gasps and opens her eyes. She feels moisture on her cheeks. It takes her a few moments to realize she’s crying. 

By the time she’s centered enough to check on him again, Obi-Wan is soundly asleep. She brushes against his subdued presence but is careful not to wake him. Force knows he needs some rest.

***

Ahsoka doesn’t realize she’s fallen asleep in the hallway until Obi-Wan is shaking her awake in the morning.

“Ahsoka. Ahsoka, are you okay?” he gently jostles her shoulder.

She startles awake, “Oh, good morning, Master.”

“What are you doing on the floor, my dear?”

Ahsoka stands and looks around, searching for a decent excuse as to why she would be sitting outside his room at this hour, “Oh, I…um,” she sighs and settles on the truth, “I was worried about you.”

Obi-Wan’s shields and perfect mask crack for a moment, “You’ve been here all night?”

Ahsoka nods.

“You didn’t have to…you shouldn’t sacrifice your rest on my account, Ahsoka.”

Without stopping to think about it, Ahsoka wraps her arms around Obi-Wan. She shakes her head against his chest, “You’re important to me and you didn’t feel right,” she says in a rush, “I know you’re a private person, so you don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to. But you’re my friend and part of my lineage and I care about you.”

She feels Obi-Wan take a shaky breath and he raises his arms to return the embrace.

“He was wrong, you know,” Ahsoka says a little quieter, “You’re patient and kind and one of the best Jedi I know. I’m so proud that I get to call you my grandmaster.” 

Ahsoka doesn’t mention the tears dropping on her montrals or the slight tremors running through Obi-Wan. She just holds him tight and waits until he’s ready to let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have one more slightly longer chapter started for Anakin:)
> 
> Thank you so much for everyone who asked for more, I loved writing this little Ahsoka and Obi-Wan moment.


	3. Anakin

Anakin nearly sprints on his way to med bay. He’d spent the battle in his fighter while Obi-Wan took Ahsoka to lead the ground assault. He didn’t know what happened or how badly they were injured, just that both had been taken to medical when they returned after the battle.

He scans over the beds in the long, narrow room, but all he can see are clones of his and Obi-Wan’s battalions. A junior medic points Anakin to a private room when he notices the general. Anakin tries to brace himself before tapping at the keypad to open the door. 

He finds Ahsoka sitting next to an unconscious Obi-Wan. She looks a little dusty but appears unharmed. Anakin steps closer to get a better look at Obi-Wan since he can’t see any signs of an injury, but he’s stopped by the tiny form of his padawan blocking his path. He sidesteps to move around her only to have Ahsoka step in front of him again.

“Ahsoka, what –,” he’s cut off when Ahsoka grabs his wrist and drags him back out into the hall, “What happened to him?”

“He’s not injured,” Ahsoka says, letting the door close behind them and crossing her arms, “He has Force exhaustion and he collapsed on the transport.”

“How bad is it? I need to see him, Snips.”

“ _Now_ you need to see him? You’ve been avoiding him for weeks and now you want to see him?”

Anakin sighs, exasperated. He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. Ahsoka’s been spending most of her free time with Obi-Wan the last two weeks. They’ve been sparring and mediating together more than usual, she goes to him for help with essays for her classes, and sometimes just shadows Obi-Wan while he goes about his business. It has seemed deliberate and a bit petty, but he didn’t think she’d take it as far as pointedly keeping him away from Obi-Wan. 

“Come on, Ahsoka. I haven’t been avoiding him. Obi-Wan always pouts after a big fight. I have to let him come to me or he shuts down.”

“He’s not pouting, Anakin!” Ahsoka says, raising her voice before taking a moment to calm down, “He’s not been pouting. He’s depressed…or…something. I don’t know for sure, but he’s not okay and you might have noticed if you ever spent more than five minutes with him.”

Anakin scoffs, “Obi-Wan’s not depressed. He’s always been distant and quiet; he just doesn’t like being called out on it.”

Ahsoka stares at him for a moment, “It’s like you don’t even know him,” she whispers.

“He never _talks_ to me! Not about anything important!”

“That’s not how Obi-Wan connects with people! That’s not how he shows affection!” Ahsoka tosses back, “Obi-Wan loves just as deeply as everyone else, he just doesn’t like to say it. He shows it by helping me with my homework or making sure Cody gets an afternoon off every once in a while, or offering to write a mission report for you, so you have extra time to sneak off to call Padme. And he hasn’t ratted you out for being married, even though he’s on the council! Just because he keeps himself at arm’s length, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He loves us and he’s hurting, and you aren’t helping!”

Anakin stands slack jawed for a several moments, “He – he knows about me and Padme?”

“Of course he knows, he’s not an idiot,” Ahsoka says, still a little breathless.

“No. No he’s not.”

Ahsoka takes a few deep breaths to steady herself, “He’s _exhausted,_ Master. He doesn’t sleep well, he barely eats, and he’s been using the Force to compensate for too long. I – I’ve been trying to be there for him, but he won’t open up to me,” she says with tears suddenly filling her eyes, “I don’t know what else to do for him.”

Anakin swallows and glances at the door to Obi-Wan’s room. He reaches out to feel Obi-Wan's presence and can sense right away that something isn't right. He's weak from the Force exhaustion but beneath that he doesn't feel nearly as solid as he should. It would have taken longer than a few weeks for Obi-Wan to have been worn that thin. Guilt tightens Anakin's throat.

“I’m sorry, Ahsoka,” he says quietly, “You shouldn’t have had to deal with this by yourself.”

“That wasn’t really my point, Master,” Ahsoka sniffles and wipes her eyes.

“I know, but you deserve an apology too,” he leans against the wall and scratches at the base of his prosthetic while he thinks for a moment, “I’ll make sure Rex and Cody have a handle on things, then I need to make a few calls. Will you stay with him till I get back?”

Ahsoka nods but furrows her brows slightly.

Anakin gives his protective padawan a small smile, “We’re going to help him, but we can’t do it alone. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he gives Ahsoka an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder as he makes his way back to the main med bay.

***

Anakin taps at his data pad, hoping to finish the report of the battle before Obi-Wan wakes. He mostly just needs it as a distraction. It’s unnerving to watch his former master so still.

A quiet groan from the bed pulls Anakin's attention back to Obi-Wan, “Master?”

Obi-Wan squints as he opens his eyes.

Anakin turns the lights down and waits until Obi-Wan adjusts and turns to look at him, “How are you feeling? Do you need me to get Kix?”

“No, I’m okay,” Obi-Wan says, clearly displeased at the sound of his scratchy voice.

Anakin reaches for a pouch of water and opens it for Obi-Wan, “Kix gave you some fluids, but he said you need to eat and drink as soon as you’re feeling up to it.”

Obi-Wan takes a few sips, “Just this for now. Thank you, Anakin.”

Anakin tries to keep his expression neutral, but Obi-Wan must see something slip through. He always does.

“What’s wrong?” Obi-Wan asks.

Anakin looks down, fidgeting with the data pad in his hands, “Ahsoka talked to me.”

Obi-Wan glances away as well. Anakin can practically see him trying to build a decent argument in his mind so eventually he breaks the silence.

“We’re on our way back to Coruscant. The 212th was almost due for some leave anyway and I spoke to the Council to ask them to move it up a few weeks, so you’ll have 10 days off once we get home,” Obi-Wan turns to look at him. Face blank, but his breaths quicken just the slightest bit, “I didn’t tell them any specifics, just that you had collapsed and that our medics thought you needed a few days of proper rest to recover.”

Obi-Wan nods and relaxes slightly.

Anakin turns back to the data pad and pulls up the short list of contacts he had compiled. He hands it to Obi-Wan and watches him read over the names and comm frequencies in confusion. 

He takes a deep breath and begins the explanation he’s been turning over in his mind the last several hours, “I know you don’t like to talk to me about some of the things on your mind. And I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want to do, but I really think you should talk to someone while you’re home. And maybe set up some times for holo calls when you’re out in the field. Most therapists are okay with doing that for people who are always traveling like we are."

Obi-Wan's head snaps up at the mention of a therapist but he doesn't say anything so Anakin continues.

“I know the mind healers at the Temple are great for some things. Like helping with Force bonds or pain management, but I thought you might be more comfortable with someone outside the Order,” he says, gesturing to the data pad in Obi-Wan’s hands, “They have stricter privacy laws, so you could talk about things you don’t want in your file at the Temple. The first one is Padme’s therapist and the second is Bail’s. Both are accepting new clients, but there are plenty of others on Coruscant.”

Obi-Wan looks back to the list, “I...didn’t know they had therapists,” he says quietly.

Anakin nods, “They have stressful jobs, and they don’t want to take it home with them,” then in a rush he says, “Um, Snips told me that you know...about Padme and me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself,” he glances away from Obi-Wan’s gaze for a moment, “But, I’m going to Padme’s appointment with her tomorrow. She’s been asking me about it for a while and it seems like the right time. I think I might set up an appointment for myself while I’m there…”

He clears his throat, “I asked Ahsoka if she would like to talk to someone too. She basically lives in a warzone and I don’t really know how to help her with that. We're looking for someone who specializes in working with teenagers.”

Obi-Wan stares at his former padawan wordlessly, clearly trying to process everything he’s shared in the last three minutes.

Anakin pulls his chair a little closer, “I know this is a lot all at once, and you don’t need to make a decision right now, but it’s just something to think about. I know I haven’t acted like it recently, but you’re important to me. You’re my family and I just –.”

Obi-Wan shoots out a hand to grab Anakin and pulls him close, effectively cutting off the young Knight’s words for several moments. Anakin slowly wraps his arms around Obi-Wan and settles next to him to hold him more comfortably. 

“I’ll do it,” Obi-Wan whispers, “I – I can't do this anymore.”

The crack in his voice nearly breaks Anakin’s heart, “I’m sorry I didn’t see it, Obi-Wan.”

He feels Obi-Wan shake his head, “I’m usually good at hiding it.”

“You don’t have to anymore. At least not in front of me and Snips.”

“I don’t know what we did to deserve her,” Obi-Wan chuckles lightly and pulls away, wiping at his eyes.

“Oh, don’t let her fool you. She’s a pain in the ass,” Anakin says with a fond smile. 

“Maybe she’s exactly what _you_ deserve then,” Obi-Wan teases.

“I’m going to give you a pass on that one. For now,” Anakin laughs gently as he slides back into his seat, “She’d like to see you, if you’re feeling up to visitors.”

Obi-Wan nods and Anakin taps at his comm link.

Seconds later an orange blur barrels through the door and into Obi-Wan’s arms.

“Hello, my dear,” Obi-Wan greets his grandpadawan.

“Hello, Master Obi-Wan,” Ahsoka says into his tunic. She reaches out for Anakin and gives him a tug when she finds his wrist.

Anakin gives in without protest and wraps his arms around his best friend and his little sister.

None of them are okay. But they will be. 


End file.
